For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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