You really coming over, don't trick.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
