I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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