I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
