Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize