nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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