I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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