i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
