this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
foreskin is a definite game changer
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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