making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
