I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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