Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
