He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
