Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
