Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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