i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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