I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
