I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
