My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize