Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
