I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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