the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
