i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
A+ Viking dick
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
