Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
