my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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