If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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