you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They took my balls.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
