I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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