It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
time to smoke my breakfast
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
