She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
People in love make me want to vomit
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
