Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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