Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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