If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
