I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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