do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
