So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your penis caused this!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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