oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
