Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Randomize
