i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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