I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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