he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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