So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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