so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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