Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
