I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
