I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
