What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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