What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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