so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
