The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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