I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
