He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
