i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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