i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
