i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
