I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
