Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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