Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
