I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
