i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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