did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
