I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize