how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
