why didn't you poke me back
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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