OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
