Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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