Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need to calm my uterus...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
