I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
