it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
