Non-Jews are for practice
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
