Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
