i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
